No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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