direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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