I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Randomize
