I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
