I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
