just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
