Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
