I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
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