She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
