Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
