its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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