I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize