Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
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Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
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The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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