If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
My vagina is officially offended.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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