I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
