I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
