Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
