i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Terrible idea I love it
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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