a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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