You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
