It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
