Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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