Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
