went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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