Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
