I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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