So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I need to calm my uterus...
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
