i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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