I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
