you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
