you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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