I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
