Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'm sobbing to NWA
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
