sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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