maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
