can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
