yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
