So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
