her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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