I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
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