I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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