I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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