We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
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That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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