Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
PANTIES FOUND
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
