It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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