i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
