I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
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