Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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