I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
