If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
