Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
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