apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize