Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
