hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Buhtt sex?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
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I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
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conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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