He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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