I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
