I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
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Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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