Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
